Freedom

"Every man shall die. But not every man lives fully"

- Mel Gibson as "William Wallace" in "Braveheart"

What does it mean to be free? Why is freedom so hard to gain? Some people would say we are more free then we have ever been; with all the choices and opportunities there is in life these days. How could we not be free?

Of course we live in a (fairly) large planet and the circumstances are different from place to place but I'll focus on the type of society (typical Western society) I live in since this is my blog. There is a total freedom of what school to go to, it is very easy to study in a foreign country and you can become virtually anything you want in life. And this type of "freedom" applies to pretty much everything!

How can we not be free?

Actually I once saw a seminar held by some "social scientist" that all this "freedom" or "free choices" we have is actually imprisoning us. We have so many choices that it paralyzes us and I must agree. I think we all can. But I wouldn't say that the many choices is what paralyzes us or imprisons us; I'd say its our fear.

We only have one life and we don't know what-a-fuck to do with it! We don't know shit!

At least that is how we feel. That is how we have been raised to feel.

The problem, in my opinion, comes from what is expected from us. I don't buy into the concept of "not knowing" what you want out of life. Anytime somebody tells me they don't know I think to myself "No, you're just too afraid to admit what you want".

See, there's a pattern of failure and the fear and pain from it that almost everyone has inherited (or learned, as I would prefer) from our parents.

There are different stories but a major concept people in general get to hear by their parents are "Don't be like me - Succeed in life!"

And that is where I believe things go wrong. Because I believe that success is as most pleasure with as little pain as possible. I also believe that there is one and one way only to do that,
- By being free. Free from everything.

When all you do in life comes from being totally free, then you have the happiness your parents really want you to have. It doesn't mean that your life is easy, but rather meaningful.

But what is freedom? I believe the definition to be "When struggling to achieve your life goal"

It's not achieving it, nor is it chasing it. But that struggle to gain it. And I believe that the goal of your life have many forms and that the most important part is to distinguish your true goal with the temptations.

For instance,

When you struggle to stand up from the couch to go out and work out and during that work out you struggle to push your limit, you are struggling to achieve your life goal, thus being free. There are two things you want and one of them is to sit in your couch and the other to work out.

Your job is to figure out which is just a temptation and which is what you TRULY want. Of course it is different for each people and living fully is far far away from always killing yourself in struggle.

I believe that in life you must balance between Comfort and Adventure. Those two don't go hand in hand and if you go to Comfort too much you will then feel a lack of meaning in your life and boredom. If you go too much on the adventure you will loose grip of yourself and feel lost.

So the steps to freedom is simply finding out what you TRULY want to achieve and then do anything to achieve it, until that true wanting shifts.

Once you figure out what you truly want out of life on a bigger scale can you feel free to know that nothing you can ever do from that point is wrong.

So much pain comes from the fear of regret and pain. In trying to fulfill your life goal there can never be anything to regret nor feel pain from; because whatever happens is a lesson.

And really, so what? Live by avoiding pain and following your fear and you'll probably live for long. The question is how MUCH will you be living for so long?

Live by following your passion and you may or may not live long, but you will always be sure you lived your life fully.

Because really, and I'm not joking really, every man shall die. But not every man will live fully!

Who we are

"Most people have their life passing by while making grand plans for it"

- Johnny Depp acting as the drug dealer "George Jung" in the movie "BLOW"

"I think, therefore I am" said Descartes and I can't agree. Not with Eckhart Tolle either.

Great thinkers and spiritual leaders have and will always exist. An important point is to try to look at their character and their lives. Did or do they live the way YOU wish to live? Do they seem to inhabit the states of which you are looking for?

See, anybody has a sage within them. Even the stupidest of the most stupid are able to write "smart things" about philosophical BULLSHIT. Trust me, I just read a real life example of it. The more important thing is, what you rant about should be having effects on you and your life. It should make you Happy.

Moving on to the topic of WHO WE ARE. I think, therefore I am sounds pretty smart and ambitious but I do not trust it. People have these fucked up things and ideas of who they fucking are. I do, we all do. Maybe I do agree with Eckhart Tolle when saying "You are precisely who you choose to be this very moment".

Humans are animal of pack. That is why we can NEVER get rid of hierarchy. And the ones on the top of every hierarchy have learned to be lone wolfs. It not something simply bad, depending on each individual. But to be healthy in control of your life, you have to let loose of all that is expected of you.

See, you and nobody else has any power over you and when this becomes true for you, then you will not be able to be controlled or ruled. You become your own master and your own captain of the ship that is your life.

I definitely believe in dimensions when it comes to social enlightenment. When people are still living in the social matrix, blind to how it controls them they are then a product of a system. That system today is, get a job so you can buy yourself a nice car so you can attract a lady so you can get a family so you can die happy. Years ago in Scotland it was show loyalty to Longshanks, give your wife to the english landlord for one night, don't make any noise or trouble and you will live under happy circumstances.

See, the system exists because it wants you to be working in advantage for those who controls it.

Take a step back and really look at people. You will see that they aren't burned out because of stress, but because they are stressing about things they do not care about. Etc.

Social Norms. Try to break them because they are part of the system.

You are who you at this precise moment choose to be.
- Free.

Freedom

Omg, freedom. It's such a strong word. The worse thing any living entity can do is to take it for granted. Because you think you are free until you really experience freedom and you know that nothing you have ever had prior to that moment has been freedom. Except for the same moments you've had before.

Living a life that gets you towards freedom is good, but freedom is actually so rare that even in those cases will it be hard to find it, grasp it and enjoy it.

I will write about how free I feel when I think about myself and my plans. I will write about the absence of female love and affection and how much I miss it. Sexual affection and shit is all right, but to actually care for a woman so deeply you could kill for her is something very very rare. I am proud in announcing that I am able to feel deep first love and feel it as a warmth, without a need to have anything.

I will write more about it, right now, I need to go to sleep.

I've had my first bootcamp ever this night and it went INCREDIBLY good. I guess I can now call myself a professional Pick Up Instructor. I teach men how to get good with women for money.

And I am damn good at it and it makes me SO proud of myself AND my students.

Life is good... And then she came along to rock my world. (and even though it conflicts with some things I still welcome the effect she might have in my life with open arms)

love,
- Xtreeme

I'm a fantasy

I know this is a "huge cock" statement but I finally know that I am womens fantasy. I have never actually aimed on it in that sense, it's just that I now know that most woman think of me as a fantasy they are a little ashamed of having.

Some cool girls have said it straight out. Other girls have just showed it. Like today, on the way home 30 minutes ago I met a girl that was in my new years eve party. Back then, I had already a women for the night but that didn't stop the girl I met recently to tell me how well she sucks cock (yeapp... She actually did convince me) and to jump me and kiss me.

Cool, right? Think again,. Today she showed me something on her face and I said she had just lost all chances of ever kissing me. She said that there is no way on earth she will ever kiss me. Oh yeah? Think again. She absolutely refused to admit she had "rape-kiss"ed me. And I thought more about this and past women I have had. It's been this huge amount of sexual tension and they have all been terrified of anyone finding out, struggling with their logic minds to explain that they do not feel sexual attraction towards me. Most woman still give themselves valid excuses to fuck me.

Another thing I have noticed is that nobody ever asks a relationship out of me. I am just that guy woman wants to fuck. I am, literally, a sausage on two legs. I personally believe every woman want to seduce me and thinking at it, it is not very arrogant. It's like those big breasted women who just assume everybody is staring at their breasts. Humans use history as an indicator to save time by estimating and assuming things.

And that inevitably leads me to believe all women just wants my cock.

- And I'm not lying when saying I got a huge one.

Menace To Society Pt 1

And I'm not talking about the movie.

Last night I had a nightmare. Not those where monsters chase you, but the type that makes you see your life being smashed into pieces. I've never been happier to wake up and face reality. The whole day, however, I was haunted by this dream but in other forms. I started to think really deeply about what the dream meant and where my worries comes from and I came to a conclusion.

I was walking in the city with my two best friends. I don't really remember how but we got into a fight with a group of guys passing by and one of my friends hands me a gun and tells me to shoot somebody's leg. I raise the gun and pull the trigger. I hit an unknown man in the chest. He slowly falls down and dies.

I have no regrets, I don't feel anything. Fast forward and I am sitting in court deciding not to explain my actions but simply to apologize for them and take my punishment. Later on I am being sentenced to two years in jail.

I am actually looking forward for it, thinking about what a great experience it will be and how it will inspire me in my writing. Take me to jail, I'd love it.

But wait, this is a night mare. I am feeling a huge amount of pain in my chest. In my mind and values, nothing I have done is wrong and I am just following a path that I know will lead me to greater knowledge and experience. But something is so earth shattering wrong that I break down. I literally break down and can't breath. I wake up and I feel it is too good to be true so I confirm it was a dream. Boy was I glad it was...

I am leaving something out, I have to admit. There is one thing I am not telling and I will get to that.

This whole day I felt like a menace to society, or at least I was afraid of being perceived as one. And I had to interpret this dream. Thankfully, I am smarter then average and even though I haven't read anything about dream interpretations, I know it is a deep subconscious thing and I am also very educated in the knowledge that the subconscious mind thinks in terms of symbols.

I will not get deep into how I interpreted it but rather assume that whoever reads this, trusts my knowledge in this.

To be Continued...

Once I was

Once I was a terrible lover, a (no)man with nothing but an ego, needing to be filled with validation. But nobody noticed, nobody suspected and nobody knew. Except for her.

Broken love leaves many trails and one always finds that scars aren't always cleansed, but hidden. She deleted, or something, the last possession I could have of her. The only thing still giving me a (slightest) sense of touch with her. Her blog. It's gone, erased, deleted. I cannot anymore get updated on the every day events of her beautiful life.

It is funny how, after stepping out of the negative and destructive emotions, one starts to see the real beauty behind the woman he once loved. I never needed her, I never really thought she was the best woman I have ever met. She was just so beautiful that in my mind, she was all I wanted. I wanted to have, not to give. I wanted validation of having the most incredible woman I had met, not to give appreciation and value to her.

Once I was a terrible lover. I truly destroyed something that could have been beautiful. I have no regrets but I do apologize. I know its arrogance talking that you can never be as happy with anyone else as you would have been with me, but it is true. The me writing this would have been giving you the happiness you (and the rest six billions in this world) are seeking for.

But you never met the writing me, you never saw him more then in glimpses at times and the fact that you gave me as many chances and wasted as much energy that you did, proves how happy you would have been together with a permanent writing me.

Once I was a terrible lover. But not anymore. And it is thanks to you. Loosing a "perfect hand" opened my eyes on the amount of ego I had. It opened way to many realizations I later had to discover to give meaning to the helplessly mess I had turned into.

I apologize for not being your boyfriend right now, even though it wasn't me but the ego that killed our relationship.

And dumping me for the mess that I was, finally killed that ego.

Thank you.

(Dedicated to a dear friend)

Don't Stop Me Now!

Today, by coincidence, I learned a very interesting fact: When the VHS came out (you know, the videotapes before DVD) there was, actually, a better thing out there - BetaMax. Sony had developed BetaMax but they choose to NOT let any porn be distributed on those machines. As a direct result of that, VHS (who didn't give a rats ass if there were porn available) automatically won the war of what format people should buy. BetaMax died out because nobody really wanted it.

A very interesting conclusion I draw from that is, obviously, the fact that people are BORN with a SEXUAL agenda and that should NOT be doubted. Do NOT repress it or avoid it. You have it like everybody else. Point is: Be comfortable with your sexuality.

Seriously, I read that around 70% of the population regrets loosing their virginity "too early". I think the reason behind this is because SOCIETY teaches us to repress our own sexuality.

Actually, while writing this it came to my mind that I many times blame society for things. To not confuse anyone, I want to explain what I mean by saying society so that everybody who gives a damn about my opinions can grasp it rightly.

Society: The very general opinions and values that are being brainwashed into everyone. Though there are many mixes of what signals we get from the society, it often bottles down to a few dominating ones.

Moving on - Sexuality. You have it, everybody has it. There is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is there anything to hide. When you see a hot lady and you get this feeling in your stomach, do NOT try to get rid of it. Enjoy it; see it as an energy that goes through your body and fills it up with wonderful emotions. The same goes for girls who sees a hot guy.

Now, I'm not saying you should try to LAY every hot girl that you see because "doing anything else would be repressing your sexuality" but the opposite: don't do anything and just feel the emotion.

Interacting with a woman and only thinking about the sex will make you blind to the GREAT and BEAUTIFUL woman that she really is. Yeye, bullshit talk, you might say, but TRY it out!

Enough of my ramblings... I realize there are a lot of Concepts that I write in this blog then things about my life or, as I got a request of the other days - techniques. I don't really know why but that's just the foot this blog started out from.

My life: I saw Transformers today and I recommend everybody to watch it. It's just a great movie. I'm traveling to Macedonia next week and I am psyched as fuck for it. I am thinking about holding a Seminar about Comfort and that is the only official statement I have done. Which means It's actually ONLY on the "thinking, maybe" part.

Techniques for Venusian Artists: Next time you're in a set, No matter what phase (Attraction/Comfort/Seduction) you are in, try to NOT say ONE SINGLE statement about yourself. Don't EVER speak in statements when telling stories that has anything to do with you, RATHER try to speak around them. For example, never say "My ex was a model" but rather "My ex was at a photo shoot when she bla bla" or another example "I don't really chase girls" into "The reason why I broke up with my ex is because I never called her. I was really busy at the moment working with bla bla".

As an exercise for this try to find a topic to write ABOUT but you must NEVER use that word. For example: Write about something that happened during the summer but you must NEVER mention the word summer.

That's all. Peace!

To The End Of The Earth

How far are you willing to travel in order to capture LIFE?

I want to sail the seven seas, I want to go to jail and risk my life, I want to contribute into charity by opening orphanages and schools. I want to ACHIEVE life at the level of extraordinary. I want to grow old with lots of stories about adventures to tell my grandchildren.


I don't want to go to College to get an exam that will assure my financial security. I don't want to get a job in order to get a solid ground to stand on. I don't believe life is achieved through material certainty.

Back in the days. Well, I mean WAY back in the days people had no material certainty. The winter could be long, the summer could be cold and the harvest could be really bad. Yet, somehow, people must have found ways of becoming happy. They really had no thing. They turned to superstitious religions and beliefs and among all of these people, there came great thinkers that found the universal essence of happiness.

"Leave all your possessions. Don't worry about food and water. Find INTERNAL strength and happiness. Be a servant for a bigger meaning and pursuit your special place on earth." These are pretty much the gathered messages of Great thinkers and religions like Jesus, Buddha and the Hindu. Yet your Mom, Dad and everybody else (that may or may not believe or like one or more of these guys/ideas) endorse your, actually more of forces you, to do the exact opposite.

"Hold on to your belongings. Don't stick out. Be involved in events that will assure your future and nothing else." These are the messages we are brainwashed into following.

I don't really have much to say. I know what I want to do, like really precisely. And I am right now, day by day, preparing for that day to come. I could go right now, but I wouldn't be ready to do the things I Want to do. I have still wisdom, knowledge and experience left to be gathered right here, right now.

My point is, and this has been on my mind very much lately, I, we, everybody, needs to let go. We need to let go to that point where we have nothing to loose. Because then and only then, are we free to jump so high that we become free. And if we hit rock bottom then we are fully aware that it is the place where we started and we can therefore jump again.

That's me for this time.

Be a fucking Man

Some people are naturally bad at life. I consider living being a form of art that you have to create for yourself.

"Then you should know in Poker you do not play your cards; You play your opponents"

~ James Bond "Casino Royale"

I compare life to this. You do not play your cards that were given to you by chance, but the challenges and dynamics of life. Sure, some people got a pair of aces but sometimes even that is a loosing hand. So you have to take what you was given and use it in a way that gets you towards goals you want to achieve. Be it for getting that girl you've always loved to be your date at prom (I would, however, never endorse anyone to live in the imaginary world where they are "in love" with someone they have barely spoken to).

So when someone complains about circumstances I e mediately get this weird feeling in my stomach that I hate. I always say "Everything that happens around you is a reaction of your actions". Basically, every bad thing that will ever happen to you is your own fucking fault. Which can, in fact, be very depressive. However, one must realize the endless possibilities of this. If every bad thing have happen because of you then it means YOU are actually ABLE to CHANGE it.

I used to be so "action-ized". It was all about what I was doing. I didn't find a purpose, meaning or reason to what I did. There were simply something to be gained and the following steps into getting it. Whenever I had failed I tried to see what step I had done wrong. It never clicked to me to think of WHY I did do wrong.

Slowly, I started failing more then succeeding and it was a harsh thing to constantly believe that everything is your fault.

However, I have found, the reason behind everything you do and the way you behave is based on your, what we Venusian Artists call, Inner Game. I am not the first person to find out about this. I am glad, however, that I did it on my own as it sometimes takes you to reinvent the wheel in order to understand why it has to be round.

So instead of always fixing the things you do wrong, why not simply eliminate what makes you do the wronging in the first place? The thing about Inner Game is that you cannot teach it. It contains of your biggest inner beliefs and core ideals of life. If these are working against you then you will ALWAYS have things that went wrong to fix and you will become burned out. The thin
g about Inner Game is, you have to realize things on your own.

How to speed this up or how to in an effective way realize things are questions I cannot answers. But if you truly wonder why you were never able to stay on that diet that you had planned out for yourself then the answer is not in what you did wrong but rather in WHY.

Also, the most important thing you can do, and this comes from a dear friend of mine, is to constantly ask yourself "is this what a man would do?". There are a lot of ideals as of what a man is but I don't give a shit about your way of defining it. Let alone if it helps you.

A boy is always blaming on circumstances and making excuses. He will fail at something and blame it on things that he "could not change". I say fuck that. Always blame yourself and make a change to what brings you failure. But most importantly, always search for the reason to why you are doing things that is not good for you.

Be a fucking Man and earn your life.

I'm out!

Whenever the sun shines

To some people there is no sunny days. Their loss, huh? In a remote place within me there is a piece that would like me to be different. I wish I could enjoy the sun way better then I am currently doing. I wish I could be doing many things I want to do.

So when looking at the beautiful weather that has struck Sweden I wonder if I could be doing better. Am I the best I can be? Should I continue doing what I am doing?

- No, not remotely.

Soon I will go berserk on everything, radically turning everything upside down, making sure I get what I want. Soon enough I will start living the life I Want to be living. Today I took a step towards it while taking a step back. I am at zero once again, neither on the plus nor minus.

Life holds you with cuff's and you feel unable to be free. You sense yourself being trapped in an invisible prison unable to escape since you don't even know what bars to break in order to get out.

I need to be honest. I am not good with women. I am not good at managing my life. I am not good with doing what I want. I suck at most things in life and I am not a good person.

But on those few occasions in life I find myself being incredibly great with women, I succeed at managing my life like a juggler handles his balls, I do what I want without hesitating and, as king midas, everything I touch turns into gold while as the good person I, at those moments are, give it all away to everyone.

I need to find a way to stay in that second state. In the paradise where you are free. I know that place, I truly know where it exists.

Now. It exists in the moment, in the now. In the second that just passed by and in the next ten seconds that are to come. It is me a great mystery how we humans find ourself lost from the moment, trapped in the past and the future; regretting the things we cannot change and worrying about the things that are to come.

I want, need and should break free. I mean to and I plan to. What stops me now?

- As much as I hate to admit it: Laziness and a feeling of powerlessness. =(

Very well... Better times will come.

Peace!

Day by Day, Step by Step

So, last night was fun. Completely. I had been with Mr Mojo (a cool guy from this place) and we were spending the evening with three lovely ladies. However, once we all split up I had my apartment for myself and there was a fuck buddy of mine that wanted to come over. Not to get into details here but I called The_Man from Stockholm to speak about a certain issue.

That mofo' made me speak to a girl to higher his value by showing her he had a cool friend from Gothenburg and since I told her I hated bitchy girls from Stockholm she e mediately started to assure me she wasn't like that. Good.

I started to tell her about a lot of stories. I enjoyed my opportunity to rehearse my stories once again and since I'm a selfish fuck; I love to speak about myself and my life. Long story short, I started to tell her about a very personal, beautiful thing that had happened to me once in Macedonia. The thing about this story is that it just popped out of my head. I had forgotten about it and I had always wanted to tell it to my Girlfriend that I no longer see.

Now the problem here is, we hate each other. Well, I can't really say I hate her because I want to be the better of us two but she definitely hates me. I had wanted to tell this story to her when we were together but the great thing that we shared was our ability to ALWAYS have interesting topics to speak about. We could talk for HOURS. It was really a beautiful thing. Now the downside of this is, of course, that I never told her about this particular story and then I forgot about it completely. Yesterday, though, it just popped up in my mind and I felt this enormous URGE to tell her about it.

I knew it was a bad idea because we would probably start fighting, she wouldn't listen anyways, it was late, I don't wanna be that looser that calls his ex - yada yada. A lot of excuses. Now here's the thing about calling yourself Xtreeme; you have to live up to it.

I called her. I live by the edge, I follow my desires and I definitely follow my urge. She didn't answer and I sent her a text message and the rest is history. Yepp, we fought. Yes, It did get very personal.

Here's the thing though, I was unaffected. I didn't quite give a rats ass. Why?

Really, why?

I would be proud in saying I don't feel anything for her anymore and therefore I was able to be unaffected but that's a lie. I had butterflies in my stomach all the way. Lovely feeling. I still have her picture in my wallet just so I don't ever forget there's more in life then to fuck girls, namely: loving them too. So what was it?

I don't need her. I have a purpose in my life that is not to be fucked with, it is not to be over prioritized with and it is the single most important thing in my life. I am constantly dead except for those moments in life when I do things that helps fulfilling it. I have standards. And most of all, I am internally happy.

This is not so all the time, but this is what I aim for. Seriously, ask yourself: Would you rather be in need of things around you to be arranged in a sort of way that would make you happy or would you choose being happy with only yourself and just strive for experiences that will take your breath away?

If everybody were to ask themselves: Do you constantly do the things that you want to do, or do you avoid them to protect what you so dearly posses?

I didn't want to call her yesterday because I wanted to protect the image of me being a cool guy that does not quarrel with girls. I wanted to protect the image of me being the guy that does not call his ex. I wanted to protect her, already shattered, image of me. The question is why? I am happy with who I am because I know that the only image I need to protect is the one of being the guy that does what he wants to do. What he desires to do. Being a guy of the moment. And to protect that image, I need to let go of everything I have.

"Only after we have lost everything, are we free to do anything" ~ Tyler Durden, "Fight Club"

It is so true. I have always dreamed of "surfing on life". Dreamed of being the guy that gets by Day by Day, Step by Step. The guy that doesn't fear anything and is therefore able to do anything. Being poor one day and rich on the other. Finally, I know what that means. Finally, I am taking steps towards living that life.

Finally, I have found myself at a core level.

And that is how it goes day by day, step by step...

For the Life of me

I have never quite understood how some people can look at their own lives, stare at the misery and failure and just shake their head in laziness and hope that one beautiful day it will change.

I can't, for the life of me, understand the reasoning behind that behaviour. It is beyond me. Two and a half years ago my life just turned into disaster. I'm not going to say it was better then now 'cause I have worked on it, however I can say I sure was enjoying it. What did I do? Everything seemed to be beyond of my power. Everything seemed to be impossible to change...

"How do I fix this" Seriously, in the face of destruction and totally annihilation of my life I could only stare at it as a video game thinking, "Where did I save last time... How do I fix this?" and then came the tears...

"Refusing to accept what you cannot change - This is called Trauma"

At least I tried. At least I refused to accept a faith given to me by hands that weren't mine. And in the remains of failures and shattered pieces of an old existence I started to grow. I grew strong, rebuilding what was lost, learning from my previous errors.

The piles that you stand on are usually build naturally and once shattered, I realized, it's not easy to rebuild them. Though I grew stronger, wiser and older I wasn't the same guy I used to be.

Women did not come as easy as I was used to. I was alone. From the beginning, I chose to be. As time grew longer I got stuck to it, unable to get out. Whenever I had been trying to get company I'd get shot down.

Whenever I tried to make myself happy, I'd cut myself in the knees. I had to break out of my shell. I had to change. I had to rebuild what had naturally come easy to me. I was forced to.

"Deciding to change what you cannot accept - This is called Revolution"

I began changing my habits, learning from others. I put dedication, time and effort into achieving my goals.

I am, by definition, great. I am, by definition, the best I can be. I am, by my own account, on my way into reaching my goals.

And, For the Life of Me, I will never stop to succeed at what I want to achieve.

I am, Xtreeme.