To The End Of The Earth

How far are you willing to travel in order to capture LIFE?

I want to sail the seven seas, I want to go to jail and risk my life, I want to contribute into charity by opening orphanages and schools. I want to ACHIEVE life at the level of extraordinary. I want to grow old with lots of stories about adventures to tell my grandchildren.


I don't want to go to College to get an exam that will assure my financial security. I don't want to get a job in order to get a solid ground to stand on. I don't believe life is achieved through material certainty.

Back in the days. Well, I mean WAY back in the days people had no material certainty. The winter could be long, the summer could be cold and the harvest could be really bad. Yet, somehow, people must have found ways of becoming happy. They really had no thing. They turned to superstitious religions and beliefs and among all of these people, there came great thinkers that found the universal essence of happiness.

"Leave all your possessions. Don't worry about food and water. Find INTERNAL strength and happiness. Be a servant for a bigger meaning and pursuit your special place on earth." These are pretty much the gathered messages of Great thinkers and religions like Jesus, Buddha and the Hindu. Yet your Mom, Dad and everybody else (that may or may not believe or like one or more of these guys/ideas) endorse your, actually more of forces you, to do the exact opposite.

"Hold on to your belongings. Don't stick out. Be involved in events that will assure your future and nothing else." These are the messages we are brainwashed into following.

I don't really have much to say. I know what I want to do, like really precisely. And I am right now, day by day, preparing for that day to come. I could go right now, but I wouldn't be ready to do the things I Want to do. I have still wisdom, knowledge and experience left to be gathered right here, right now.

My point is, and this has been on my mind very much lately, I, we, everybody, needs to let go. We need to let go to that point where we have nothing to loose. Because then and only then, are we free to jump so high that we become free. And if we hit rock bottom then we are fully aware that it is the place where we started and we can therefore jump again.

That's me for this time.

Be a fucking Man

Some people are naturally bad at life. I consider living being a form of art that you have to create for yourself.

"Then you should know in Poker you do not play your cards; You play your opponents"

~ James Bond "Casino Royale"

I compare life to this. You do not play your cards that were given to you by chance, but the challenges and dynamics of life. Sure, some people got a pair of aces but sometimes even that is a loosing hand. So you have to take what you was given and use it in a way that gets you towards goals you want to achieve. Be it for getting that girl you've always loved to be your date at prom (I would, however, never endorse anyone to live in the imaginary world where they are "in love" with someone they have barely spoken to).

So when someone complains about circumstances I e mediately get this weird feeling in my stomach that I hate. I always say "Everything that happens around you is a reaction of your actions". Basically, every bad thing that will ever happen to you is your own fucking fault. Which can, in fact, be very depressive. However, one must realize the endless possibilities of this. If every bad thing have happen because of you then it means YOU are actually ABLE to CHANGE it.

I used to be so "action-ized". It was all about what I was doing. I didn't find a purpose, meaning or reason to what I did. There were simply something to be gained and the following steps into getting it. Whenever I had failed I tried to see what step I had done wrong. It never clicked to me to think of WHY I did do wrong.

Slowly, I started failing more then succeeding and it was a harsh thing to constantly believe that everything is your fault.

However, I have found, the reason behind everything you do and the way you behave is based on your, what we Venusian Artists call, Inner Game. I am not the first person to find out about this. I am glad, however, that I did it on my own as it sometimes takes you to reinvent the wheel in order to understand why it has to be round.

So instead of always fixing the things you do wrong, why not simply eliminate what makes you do the wronging in the first place? The thing about Inner Game is that you cannot teach it. It contains of your biggest inner beliefs and core ideals of life. If these are working against you then you will ALWAYS have things that went wrong to fix and you will become burned out. The thin
g about Inner Game is, you have to realize things on your own.

How to speed this up or how to in an effective way realize things are questions I cannot answers. But if you truly wonder why you were never able to stay on that diet that you had planned out for yourself then the answer is not in what you did wrong but rather in WHY.

Also, the most important thing you can do, and this comes from a dear friend of mine, is to constantly ask yourself "is this what a man would do?". There are a lot of ideals as of what a man is but I don't give a shit about your way of defining it. Let alone if it helps you.

A boy is always blaming on circumstances and making excuses. He will fail at something and blame it on things that he "could not change". I say fuck that. Always blame yourself and make a change to what brings you failure. But most importantly, always search for the reason to why you are doing things that is not good for you.

Be a fucking Man and earn your life.

I'm out!

Whenever the sun shines

To some people there is no sunny days. Their loss, huh? In a remote place within me there is a piece that would like me to be different. I wish I could enjoy the sun way better then I am currently doing. I wish I could be doing many things I want to do.

So when looking at the beautiful weather that has struck Sweden I wonder if I could be doing better. Am I the best I can be? Should I continue doing what I am doing?

- No, not remotely.

Soon I will go berserk on everything, radically turning everything upside down, making sure I get what I want. Soon enough I will start living the life I Want to be living. Today I took a step towards it while taking a step back. I am at zero once again, neither on the plus nor minus.

Life holds you with cuff's and you feel unable to be free. You sense yourself being trapped in an invisible prison unable to escape since you don't even know what bars to break in order to get out.

I need to be honest. I am not good with women. I am not good at managing my life. I am not good with doing what I want. I suck at most things in life and I am not a good person.

But on those few occasions in life I find myself being incredibly great with women, I succeed at managing my life like a juggler handles his balls, I do what I want without hesitating and, as king midas, everything I touch turns into gold while as the good person I, at those moments are, give it all away to everyone.

I need to find a way to stay in that second state. In the paradise where you are free. I know that place, I truly know where it exists.

Now. It exists in the moment, in the now. In the second that just passed by and in the next ten seconds that are to come. It is me a great mystery how we humans find ourself lost from the moment, trapped in the past and the future; regretting the things we cannot change and worrying about the things that are to come.

I want, need and should break free. I mean to and I plan to. What stops me now?

- As much as I hate to admit it: Laziness and a feeling of powerlessness. =(

Very well... Better times will come.

Peace!

Day by Day, Step by Step

So, last night was fun. Completely. I had been with Mr Mojo (a cool guy from this place) and we were spending the evening with three lovely ladies. However, once we all split up I had my apartment for myself and there was a fuck buddy of mine that wanted to come over. Not to get into details here but I called The_Man from Stockholm to speak about a certain issue.

That mofo' made me speak to a girl to higher his value by showing her he had a cool friend from Gothenburg and since I told her I hated bitchy girls from Stockholm she e mediately started to assure me she wasn't like that. Good.

I started to tell her about a lot of stories. I enjoyed my opportunity to rehearse my stories once again and since I'm a selfish fuck; I love to speak about myself and my life. Long story short, I started to tell her about a very personal, beautiful thing that had happened to me once in Macedonia. The thing about this story is that it just popped out of my head. I had forgotten about it and I had always wanted to tell it to my Girlfriend that I no longer see.

Now the problem here is, we hate each other. Well, I can't really say I hate her because I want to be the better of us two but she definitely hates me. I had wanted to tell this story to her when we were together but the great thing that we shared was our ability to ALWAYS have interesting topics to speak about. We could talk for HOURS. It was really a beautiful thing. Now the downside of this is, of course, that I never told her about this particular story and then I forgot about it completely. Yesterday, though, it just popped up in my mind and I felt this enormous URGE to tell her about it.

I knew it was a bad idea because we would probably start fighting, she wouldn't listen anyways, it was late, I don't wanna be that looser that calls his ex - yada yada. A lot of excuses. Now here's the thing about calling yourself Xtreeme; you have to live up to it.

I called her. I live by the edge, I follow my desires and I definitely follow my urge. She didn't answer and I sent her a text message and the rest is history. Yepp, we fought. Yes, It did get very personal.

Here's the thing though, I was unaffected. I didn't quite give a rats ass. Why?

Really, why?

I would be proud in saying I don't feel anything for her anymore and therefore I was able to be unaffected but that's a lie. I had butterflies in my stomach all the way. Lovely feeling. I still have her picture in my wallet just so I don't ever forget there's more in life then to fuck girls, namely: loving them too. So what was it?

I don't need her. I have a purpose in my life that is not to be fucked with, it is not to be over prioritized with and it is the single most important thing in my life. I am constantly dead except for those moments in life when I do things that helps fulfilling it. I have standards. And most of all, I am internally happy.

This is not so all the time, but this is what I aim for. Seriously, ask yourself: Would you rather be in need of things around you to be arranged in a sort of way that would make you happy or would you choose being happy with only yourself and just strive for experiences that will take your breath away?

If everybody were to ask themselves: Do you constantly do the things that you want to do, or do you avoid them to protect what you so dearly posses?

I didn't want to call her yesterday because I wanted to protect the image of me being a cool guy that does not quarrel with girls. I wanted to protect the image of me being the guy that does not call his ex. I wanted to protect her, already shattered, image of me. The question is why? I am happy with who I am because I know that the only image I need to protect is the one of being the guy that does what he wants to do. What he desires to do. Being a guy of the moment. And to protect that image, I need to let go of everything I have.

"Only after we have lost everything, are we free to do anything" ~ Tyler Durden, "Fight Club"

It is so true. I have always dreamed of "surfing on life". Dreamed of being the guy that gets by Day by Day, Step by Step. The guy that doesn't fear anything and is therefore able to do anything. Being poor one day and rich on the other. Finally, I know what that means. Finally, I am taking steps towards living that life.

Finally, I have found myself at a core level.

And that is how it goes day by day, step by step...

For the Life of me

I have never quite understood how some people can look at their own lives, stare at the misery and failure and just shake their head in laziness and hope that one beautiful day it will change.

I can't, for the life of me, understand the reasoning behind that behaviour. It is beyond me. Two and a half years ago my life just turned into disaster. I'm not going to say it was better then now 'cause I have worked on it, however I can say I sure was enjoying it. What did I do? Everything seemed to be beyond of my power. Everything seemed to be impossible to change...

"How do I fix this" Seriously, in the face of destruction and totally annihilation of my life I could only stare at it as a video game thinking, "Where did I save last time... How do I fix this?" and then came the tears...

"Refusing to accept what you cannot change - This is called Trauma"

At least I tried. At least I refused to accept a faith given to me by hands that weren't mine. And in the remains of failures and shattered pieces of an old existence I started to grow. I grew strong, rebuilding what was lost, learning from my previous errors.

The piles that you stand on are usually build naturally and once shattered, I realized, it's not easy to rebuild them. Though I grew stronger, wiser and older I wasn't the same guy I used to be.

Women did not come as easy as I was used to. I was alone. From the beginning, I chose to be. As time grew longer I got stuck to it, unable to get out. Whenever I had been trying to get company I'd get shot down.

Whenever I tried to make myself happy, I'd cut myself in the knees. I had to break out of my shell. I had to change. I had to rebuild what had naturally come easy to me. I was forced to.

"Deciding to change what you cannot accept - This is called Revolution"

I began changing my habits, learning from others. I put dedication, time and effort into achieving my goals.

I am, by definition, great. I am, by definition, the best I can be. I am, by my own account, on my way into reaching my goals.

And, For the Life of Me, I will never stop to succeed at what I want to achieve.

I am, Xtreeme.